


not your ghost anymore

by victoriaandalbert



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anti Dark King, Episode: s05e03 The Mountain of Ghosts, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Male-Female Friendship, Pro Alice Quinn, Rejection, aka Eliot is IC not SJH Nonsense, alice & eliot brotp for life, of the dark king of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:15:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22569982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victoriaandalbert/pseuds/victoriaandalbert
Summary: The Dark King makes a move on a grieving Eliot, who - so caught up in his love for Quentin - doesn't take kindly to it.
Relationships: Alice Quinn & Eliot Waugh, Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh, Rupert Chatwin | Dark King Sebastian/Eliot Waugh
Comments: 15
Kudos: 66





	not your ghost anymore

**Author's Note:**

  * For [indestructress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/indestructress/gifts), [Annis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annis/gifts).



> So talking to friends / fellow writers, we all strongly felt it was so incredibly ooc of Eliot to "almost fuck the Dark King" when grieving for the love of his life (whether or not they had got back together before Quentin died or not, whether Quentin got with Alice or not). To like...be okay with those very manipulative sexual advances? So here is a rewrite. :)
> 
> Other canon divergent notes:  
> *Eliot and Quentin got very briefly back together before he died.  
> *Alice and Quentin reconciled as close friends who love each other (like in the books!!) so of course she'd be horribly grieved like 'in canon'.  
> *Alice still doesn't know about Quentin/Eliot, but just because Eliot still doesn't want to talk about it - instead of seeking validations of his feelings from the "straight character" (Alice is a lesbian but whatever) as SJH have it :)

“Love. The reason I dislike that word is that it means too much for me, far more than you can understand."

― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

_“Please?”_

Eliot grinned uneasily. He was never afraid of offending people, but when Sebastian offered him the spot on the blanket next to him, Eliot felt his skin prickle. 

_He did save my life after all_ , he told himself. If Sebastian had let him die, he wouldn’t be able to take Quentin’s piece of soul to the top of the Mountain of Ghosts.

Eliot had been so angry with Alice when she told him what she had done, about Quentin’s golem. It was unspeakably painful knowing there was a little piece of his Q walking around on Earth for a brief moment.

He was honestly more hurt that Alice didn’t make him privy to her plans, and she attempted to tell Eliot that she wanted to see if she succeeded before she told him about the golem - which turned out to be a total mess. And Eliot got that, now that he’d calmed down, but he wasn’t having it when they were yelling at each other in the forest with Yan rolling his eyes in the background at the two and their “feelings.”

Before he got snatched by a taker, that is.

Hesitantly, Eliot laid down on his elbow next to the man who had saved his life. He had introduced himself as Sebastian to him and Alice, both whom Sebestian was noticeably older than.

It was almost comical how only in their mid twenties Alice and Eliot had suffered so much unparalleled pain in their lives. They even both had an abusive parent. Then everything after…

“I used to do this with him,” Sebastian reminisced, “Go somewhere, camp out, use illusion magic to change the color of the stars.”

Eliot was silent for a moment, his eyes fixed on Fillory’s luminous two moons glittering in the sky. He almost smiled.

 _You changed the colors of the stars?_ Eliot laughed inside. _Quentin and I would change the colors of the moons, every beautiful and ridiculous color you can get, probably annoying the fuck out of everyone in pre-Chatwin Fillory. Or frightening them. Then we’d make love under their shine, and forget the moons even existed in the harbor of each other’s arms._

“Sounds perfect,” Eliot said.

He felt Sebastian shift a little, and knew his gaze had cast itself on Eliot.

“Have you ever had love?” Sebastian asked with a knowing grin.

Eliot shot him a frightened look. 

_More than you could ever understand._

“Love…” Eliot replied airily, “like…?”

“Love,” Sebastian emphasized. 

Eliot frowned.

“It is okay, you can say anything,” Sebastian promised, somehow still smiling in spite of the tragic circumstances. “I’m a stranger and you’re drunk.”

“A situation I’m not unfamiliar with,” Eliot said emptily under his breath, not necessarily to Sebestian or even himself. He looked into his glass and swished around what little was left. What were even those drunk strangers he fucked in the past compared to making love to Quentin Coldwater?

 _Oh, Q._ Eliot thought with bitter sadness, choking back the lump in his throat.

It was a stroke of absolute cruelty to be granted Quentin’s touch for the briefest of moments, only for it to be ripped away forever. When he woke up from his surgery, Quentin was there, at Eliot’s side.

Eliot couldn’t move, but Quentin reached out his hand and pressed it lovingly to Eliot’s. 

“I’ll be back,” Quentin said quietly, with a sad but brave smile, ”I need to get rid of these monsters, so we can be safe. Together.”

Eliot’s eyes reflected his deep love and reverence of Quentin. He opened his mouth to speak, but Quentin leaned in and pressed his lips tenderly to Eliot’s.

“Don’t speak, you’re only just healing, El,” Quentin warned softly. “I need to go, but…” He laughed a little, blushing the deepest crimson. “I love you, Eliot Waugh.”

“I’m sorry?”

Eliot shook himself out of his reverie. “What?”  
  
Sebastian smiled. “I said I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear what you said.”

“Nothing, I-um….” Eliot paused, then looked away. “Yes. I have… the dear friend of ours Alice told you about. He wasn’t just a dear friend to me...he was so, so much more.”

Sebastian flicked his eyes over to Alice’s tent. “Does she know?”

“No one knows,” Eliot said, his chin trembling, “but you know now, I guess.”

“Seems rather selfish, you know?” Sebastian responded casually, with a characteristic smugness that put Eliot’s nose out of joint. “You were in love with him, and she was a close friend of his, so she said. It’s important information that he can’t give her. It’s best to share it between you both, don’t you think?”

Eliot’s gaze remained averted. “I just don’t…”

“--Have you ever noticed,” Sebastian cut off, sitting up on his elbow and resting his hand on his palm, looking directly into Eliot’s face now, “that people generally think whatever the hell they want?”

Eliot laughed in disbelief. He was uncomfortable with how close the other man was to him. “I’m starting to think you’re just a shitster,” he responded bitterly.

He couldn’t help but think of the hilarious back and forths he had with Quentin.

“I just fundamentally believe that the best way to honor someone is with the truth of them.” Sebastian’s eyes went narrow when Eliot looked away again, unamused by his attempted charms. “But you can’t speak the truth for some reason.”

“I just want everyone to remember Quentin as he was,” Eliot growled, “to just get through the fucking day. The nerdy boy wonder they all knew, not the….the husband, the father. Who would sing to our son in his arms under the moons. Whose tears I’d kiss away when he was sad. The man who loved me, and I him, for a very, very long time.”

Eliot breathed out and squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry.

Sebastian paused a moment before he spoke. “I’m just pointing out,” he began, “whatever you got in that secret pocket, can help you and Alice remember the real Quentin.”

Eliot was silent, his eyes shifting back up to the Fillorian moons. So beautiful, so constant. Just like Quentin.

He felt something brush his cheek, and startled when he realized Sebastian was touching his face.

“What are you fucking doing?” Eliot snapped, pulling back forcefully, slapping Sebastian's hand furiously.

Sebastian looked stunned, as if he had never been rejected before in his life. “I just wanted to say...that life--”

“Save it,” Eliot said harshly, “I’m going to join Alice. Maybe you’re right, I am drunk. But I’m not a fucking fool.”

Sebastian’s face was ambivalent, perhaps caught between finding it hateful or sexy at being so stung. “Goodnight, Eliot.”

Eliot got up sharply and tripped over to Alice’s tent, crawling in clumsily.

“You--you okay?” Alice groaned, wiping at her sleepy eyes.

“Go back to bed, Alice,” Eliot said flatly, laying safely next to her.

Alice pursed her lips, the beautiful pathos in her eyes reflecting her understanding and love for Eliot. She pulled the blanket over both of them. Enough fighting for one day.

She stroked his cheek softly and whispered, “Goodnight, Eliot.”

Eliot closed his eyes, shifting his head a little to give her a kiss of an apology on her palm.

Because the only thing they should be doing is fighting for Quentin. Together. And fuck, if they wouldn’t get him back….

“Goodnight, Alice,” Eliot said quietly, throwing his arm gently around her. “I’m glad you’re here. Or you know, let me come.”

Alice just smiled, and snuggled herself against Eliot’s frame as they fell into their dreams. So filled with Quentin.


End file.
